Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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