your room smells of hookers.
And success
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
