I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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