We're facebook friends in real life
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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