he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
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Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
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Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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