There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
