I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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