I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My penis needs a shock collar
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
