i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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