I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
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i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
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DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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