Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize