Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
