Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
