Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
