Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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