i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
