i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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