True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
