a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
