I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
