The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
