Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
