Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
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You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
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You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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