you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
