I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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