if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Randomize
