were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
