Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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