Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
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