Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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