I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
