We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
now i know why i became what i already was.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
