i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
