just come out here and I will go home with you...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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