whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
