How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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