I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Pants are for mortals
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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