Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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