i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
