So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
