i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
