i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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