When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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