think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
