he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
