Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
