My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
