yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
