people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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