Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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