does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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