Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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