We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
