i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So much Jack, so little girl.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
