what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
