i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize