dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
