you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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