Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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