I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
