well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
