She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
