Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
